i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
