whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
