we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
