It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
