honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
