I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
