I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
