So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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