Don't make out with my wife yet
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
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