I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
