don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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