just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Randomize
