Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
