Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
