I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
