Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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