I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
