I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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