Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
