There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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