Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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