so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
