I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
