so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
