Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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