Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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