I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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