so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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