Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Holy shit dude........stairs
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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