I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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