No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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