Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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