U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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