who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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