I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
The ass gains better be worth it
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