I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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