Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize