I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
