jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
someone get that fucking seahorse.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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