You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
