Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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