I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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