I'm really into asian looking animals
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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