I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
