Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
