I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
You are the jesus of drinking
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize