Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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