I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
