you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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