I just threw up on my dentist
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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