I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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