I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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