I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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