my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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