Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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