Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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