he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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