That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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