It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
