Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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