I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
we're so committed to being not committed
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