Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
