i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
