I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Randomize
