sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
