So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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