Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
