$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
