sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
