Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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