and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
