i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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