That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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