I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That accounts for only three of the penises
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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