My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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